My dear mortician,

I wish to enquire about buying some embalming fluid. You see, I'm a bard. And as a bard, I've learned a few tricks about looking your best for that big performance! I believe I may use the embalming fluid to this effect-as a sort of make-up.

Please, send a response back to Morgan Maddocks at the Comely Inn. I'll be, well, dieing for the reply.

-Morgan Maddocks, master of the Pun.